Occasionally in life, there comes a time when your heart is filled with extreme sadness. It’s not the kind of experience that I would wish on anyone, and certainly not one that I relish having to go through myself. But, it does happen, and sometimes there is nothing you can do except hang in there and hope that, eventually, laughter will once again return to your life.

Thankfully, that day, for me, seems to have come (hence, my return to this small-yet-fabulous corner of the Interweb!), with a little help from the good people at Sam’s Club…

Fact #49582 about me: I love getting mail.

It’s a strange affection that began during my university days… Remember when an envelope in a little wooden cubby was enough to make your entire week – even if it was just a bill? It was recognition that you, little lamb, had not been forgotten by the world, despite leaving the comfort and familiarity of home. Someone knew where you were, and felt the need to send something specifically to YOU. Amazing.

Even more amazing is that every now and then, mail inexplicably shows up at your house, and though it bears your address, it is not actually intended for you. However, the contents of said “mystery mail” is often hilarious enough that you’re actually happy for the mistake.

This is definitely one of those times.

Dear Valued Sam’s Club Member,

Thank you for your recent purchase of the Member’s Mark Gas Grill with Oven. We hope you are enjoying your grill. It has come to the manufacturer’s attention that your grill may contain two misspellings located on the tempered glass control panel. The misspellings are NOT a safety hazard but can be misleading.

(Note: by “misleading,” I think they mean “funny as hell.”)

If your grill is affected, the misspellings would be located at the searing burner and rear burner control knobs. The control knob marking should read: “IGNITE/ON” but it regrettably may read “IGNITE/NO”.

In conjunction with Sam’s Club,the manufacturer has committed to correcting the spelling error. We have included with this letter two weather proof stickers that can be permanently affixed to the control panel over the misspelled words if you desire.

We strive for excellence in Member service, and your complete satisfaction with our products is our number one goal. (Yadda yadda, contact info…)

Again, thank you for your patronage, and we apologize for any inconvenience.

Sincerely,

The Director of Merchandise
Sam’s Club Canada

So, I now have two shiny new stickers that say “IGNITE/ON”… What shall I do with them? Let me know… and the best suggestion wins a prize! (Seriously!)

Now, if you’ll excuse me… I suddenly feel the urge to do a little online shopping for a new BBQ… (Perhaps one that says “IGNITE/YES”)