Fact #9482156 about me: I am a huge John Mayer fan.

Now, I mean “fan” in the sense that I really enjoy his music and own every CD he’s released to date. I’m not lurking in the bushes outside his house, or hoping that he’ll let me have his baby. That falls under the category of “stalker of biblical proportions.” Plus, it’s just plain creepy. So take note, the Mayer Love is rooted firmly in music. The fact that I find him to be an attractive man is really just a bonus…

While I love that so many people have been turned on to his music, to be honest, I think I preferred the days when John Mayer was not yet a household name. Back when he was just doing his thing and putting out albums, and no one paid much attention to his personal life. When he was making more music than headlines. Those were the days.

I know that all celebs fall into the paparazzi trap sooner or later, but I’m getting a bit tired of reading “John Mayer is a player” and “John Mayer is a d-bag” on every magazine cover and website I come across these days. Whatever happened to “John Mayer is a great musician,” or “John Mayer just put out a killer new album“? Maybe he’s just too big now. Bigger than your body, indeed, John.

By now, everyone knows that John Mayer is dating Jennifer Aniston. I’m sure if you stumbled upon that newly discovered tribe in the Amazon, they’d know. And it’s turned into a bit of a circus, really. But not the good kind of circus with clowns and acrobats and deliciously cheap bags of popcorn. It’s the ugly, Hollywood kind of circus that makes you wish you’d never hear a person’s name again for a very, very long time. (Case in point: whatever happened to Dakota Fanning? Yeah. I don’t know, either. That’s The Circus.)

Seriously though, can’t two people just date each other and be happy without ending up on the cover of every gossip mag there is? Apparently not. And just when I thought the stories couldn’t get any more a) inappropriate and b) ridiculous, along comes the new issue of OK! Magazine with the story of the year… Jennifer and John are getting married. In the fall. In a charming backyard ceremony. And somehow, the good people at OK! Magazine are in the loop on all the details.

In fact, I bet they’re the only people in the loop on the details.

I believe it may be time for OK! to re-think their definition of the words “World Exclusive.” Because really, when you fabricate a story and spread it around via the cover of your glossy mag, it’s not so much a “world exclusive,” as it is you being the only publication with the story, because no one else knows about it, because you made the entire thing up yourselves. (But hey, I could be wrong about this one. If so, I will gladly be the first to purchase a brand new, 10-speed, high-performance blender for the happy couple. In a colour of their choosing. I’d go with stainless steel, but that’s just me.)

Either way, I will likely never understand what motivates people to buy celebrity magazines or take delight in the drama of the rich and famous. All I really want to know when the next album is coming out. Because that’s what being a fan is all about.