I’ve come to an important conclusion: I either need to swear off Jen Lancaster novels, or stop being so nice to total strangers.

Kicking my Lancaster habit is unlikely to happen any time soon, as all three of her novels are on my Summer Reading list. It’s just toting them around in public that seems to get me into trouble… and by “trouble” I mean “hopelessly awkward situations with random men I’ve never met before.”

I give you Exhibit A:

I’m riding home on the bus (like the TTC Goddess that I am) and indulging in one of my favourite bus riding activities: catching up on books I promised myself I would finally read. This time, it’s Bright Lights, Big Ass (which you need to buy immediately, if you haven’t already done so.) I’m enjoying it so much that I don’t have time to stash it in my gigantic Mom Purse before I exit at my regular stop.

Imagine my surprise when a complete stranger says to me, “Hello beautiful lady, are you enjoying that book you’ve got there?” (I kid you not. That is actually what he said. But wait. It gets better.)

Me: “Yes, I am!” (I smile, but keep walking.)

He: “Well hold on a minute, let me see it.”

See now, this is the part where any normal person would likely say “I’m sorry, I’m in a bit of a rush,” or “I really can’t chat, I’ve just gone into labour.” Something. ANYTHING. Anything except “Sure.”

Me: “Sure.” (Another smile. Why must I smile so much?!)

He: (Reading the title) Bright. Lights. Big. Ass. (Pause) Do you think that you have a big ass? (See? I told you it gets better.)

Me: “Well, I’d like to think that I don’t…”

He: “Well, I think that you have a perfectly reasonable, medium-sized ass.” (This may actually be the strangest and yet most lovely compliment that I’ve received in my entire life. A medium-sized ass… what more can a girl ask for?)

Me: “Oh… um… thank you!”

He: “My name is Rupert. Who are you, beautiful lady?”

…And this right here, is the part where any normal person would make something up on the fly. Fudge the truth a bit. Tell a little fib. Lie their face off… Alice, Agnes, Alexis, Frank. Something. ANYTHING. Anything except…

Me: “Alicia.” (D’oh!)

(We shake hands)

He: “Well, Alicia. It’s very nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy your book. You remember me, now… and give a holler the next time you see me.”

Me: “Oh, I will! Thank you! Have a great day, Rupert!”

–

And that is how Rupert from Weston became my new BFF. Thanks, Jen Lancaster.

Note to self: Start wearing iPod and sunglasses at all times. And maybe give up smiling. Or at least learn to lie.

And now, because I love a good story… I’m turning it over to you guys. What’s the craziest thing a stranger has ever said to you? There’s bound to be some hilarious tales out there… so let’s hear ‘em!